When I introduced the topic for this week’s Wordfull Wednesday I told you about my fear of heights. It really is my worst fear. You can read about my most recent experience facing and succumbing to that fear here (read paragraph #1).
It just reminds me of the neighbor girl who has a fear of spiders.)
I think this fear of heights has gotten a lot worse as I’ve grown older. I was afraid of heights growing up but it never really stopped me from trying things. Now my fear is so bad that if I even see my husband or children up in the bucket truck, on the roof or even see them on the deck while I am below it sends shivers and chills all up and down the backs of my legs and spine. I have to turn away and not look.
Our deck creates a mixture of angst and pleasure for me. I love to sit on the deck and take in the view in the early morning or watch my children while they play on the grassy hill off to the side. For the most part though I am always afraid that my little ones will fall off of it. The deck has a railing going all the way around. It is so enticing for them to climb it. We had friends over for lunch one day. I looked out the sliding door to the deck only to see their three year old walking on top of the railing. It’s a good one story fall to the cement below. You can bet my heart stopped beating until they got him off. One day as I worked on the computer I heard my daughter scream for Special Dark to get down. She ran out to the deck and whisked him off the railing which he had climbed and was leaning over the top edge to spit on the cement below. I had very vivid nightmares for several weeks after that watching Special Dark go over the railing and being killed on the cement. The nightmares were so real I woke up screaming several times yelling for Mr. Ferrero Rocher to “catch him before he falls!” The worst part was knowing that I am a “dream” person, meaning I’ve had dreams about people close to me that have literally come true. Not something you want to be known for as you’re having nightmares about your son falling off the deck. I have been over protective of him on the deck ever since. Can you blame me?
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