The assignment this week:
What myths have you overcome in your life? What misperceptions have you had that you realize now are wrong? And most importantly, what are you doing about changing those myths and misperceptions in your life and the lives of those around you?
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In thinking over what to write for this post, I have come to one very certain realization.
Really! I was taught the opposite of those myths listed up there. I never felt that women were inferior or had to be a certain size or shape to be beautiful, or that a woman needed to work in a career to be somebody. Because of the way my parents interacted with each other and for each other I knew from their examples more than from their words that women hold a very special place in society.
The myth I have had to overcome is one of my own making. . . .because I could do and can do so many things I should do them all right now. I should be a SUPERWOMAN. Go to college, obtain a degree, be a wife, be a mother, teach piano lessons, teach my own children, sew all of their clothes, garden, can the produce, keep the house spotless – the list goes on and on and on. I was in a very literal sense trying to be
Shortly after my fifth daughter was born, I realized I was just wearing myself completely out. Though I used to enjoy doing everything I was coming to dread it all because it was draining my energy. I was teaching piano in the afternoons and LOVING it. But it left no time to focus on and prepare for our homeschool the next day. I was also trying to gather my own curriculum and supplies. It was something I thoroughly enjoyed! But that took a major amount of time too trying to figure out everything for each child on different grade levels. There were other things happening too but those two were the major ones.
Something had to give.
And I didn’t want it to be my sanity.
“Women today are encouraged by some to have it all: money, travel, marriage, motherhood, and separate careers in the world. For women, the important ingredients for happiness are to forge an identity, serve the Lord, get an education, develop your talents, serve your family, and if possible to have a family of your own.
“However, you cannot do all these things well at the same time. You cannot eat all of the pastries in the baking shop at once. You will get a tummyache. You cannot be a 100-percent wife, a 100-percent mother, a 100-percent Church worker, a 100-percent career person, and a 100-percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? I suggest that you can have it sequentially.
“Sequentially is a big word meaning to do things one at a time at different times. The book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under … heaven.” 12 There are ever-increasing demands on women that challenge their traditional role of caregivers. But as women, the roles of wife and mother are in the center of your souls and cry out to be satisfied. Most women naturally want to love and be loved by a good man and to respond to the God-given, deepest feelings of womanhood—those of mother and nurturer. Fortunately, most women do not have to track a career like a man does. They may fit more than one interest into the various seasons of life.” (James E. Faust, How Near to the Angels, April 1998)
There was my answer. I needed to focus on what my role is at this particular time in my life – being a wife and a mother. I jumped off the hamster wheel while it was still turning getting a little bruised and beat up but it felt great! Slowly I have learned to simplify, keep my priorities in order, and stop comparing myself to others.
“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” ~Marjorie Pay Hinckley~
It is enough to know that my family thinks I am great just the way I am.
What myths about women have you had to overcome? Write a post and link up!
A special thank you to all who voted for me to be Best LDS Female Solo Blogger of 2010!! I truly appreciate it!
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Excellent advice here.
Thank you!
Our “quote files” are identical twins.
Thanks for WW – I love them.
And yes, let me know if you are going to be at the Y any time soon! 🙂
Sadly sometimes you don’t have a choice but to be it all. Alot of times what gives is yourself. Sorry commenting on half night’s sleep ready to go to work and take daugher to someone else’s house to be taken care of. It’s 6:45, we wont be home until 4ish. Cancelled on the missionaries for tonight. No can’t call into work they don’t have a sub for me.
It is sometimes really tricky to be a member of our church and a woman. All too often we see the “list” of things that are wonderful to do…and we think we have to do it ALL!
I do love that poem. It is a jokey way for us to see how we all should slow down and try to be less of that ideal “molly”.
Wonderful topic as always. Thank you.
I always laugh at that poem. This is a great reminder that we don’t have to do it all just because we can.
There are so many good things that I can do, that I like to do, that I want to do. Instead of getting frustrated that I can’t do it all, I really should try and remember that I can’t do it all right now, that not now doesn’t mean not ever, and that my best is good enough!
Don’t your just love Sister Hinckley? I think she is pure genius. Content for some reason has turned into a bad word. To be content is a very good thing. Great post. Thanks for doing this links. I learn so much when I hear other “sisters in Zions” feelings and experiences. 🙂
This was another great topic. I have really enjoyed reading through all the posts so far, including yours. Thanks for doing this.
I have to admit… I have tried to be an over achiever. Everything came crashing down and the only thing left was me feeling miserable that I couldn’t do it all.
I am so thankful to have a husband that reminds me to let things go and focus on what is important. And that yes… there is a season for everything and someday I’ll get to those things.
Thank you for your post.
Love this!
I’ve always loved that poem! There’s not a bad thing in there, but you’re right–there is just no way we can do them all at once. I love the Pres. Faust quote as well. I vaguely remember that talk. I’ll have to go back and read the whole thing. Thanks for writing this and for hosting this topic. It was a good one.
Love this, Cocoa. Such sound advice. Another “myth” that’s been nagging at me lately is the misinterpretation of of a truth: “you can’t draw water from an empty well.” There’s a general trend to take that too far and focus too much on all the things you want/like to do because it will “make me a better mother.” There’s a delicate balance between selfish and selfless. Yes, there certainly needs to be some self-care, but sometimes it’s overboard.
Thanks for challenging us to think about which myths are worming their way into our heads. I didn’t realize it until I stopped and thought about it. It’s easier to keep proper perspective when I’m aware of my surroundings.
love the quote from Pres Faust. I will have to go read that talk. I often remind myself about sequentially. I feel so much guilt that I can basically see the temple from my house, but rarely get to go 🙁 In some ways I have no excuse as I could arrange a babysitter, but other times I have to remind myself I am looking after the ‘living’ at the moment and have a husband who is not home often or babysitters.
I would LOVE for you to do a post maybe about how you felt to give up your career dreams? (for the time being… sequentially remember 😉 I remember a post where you said your plans would go to university, have a career etc and had little to do with having 9 kids?? For someone who went to university so young, some people must have felt you ‘didn’t live up to your potential?’ Life turns out differently for many of us…
Love the quote from Elder Faust, especially the second sentence. There are so many good choices, but those are the things that are most important to our happiness.